Amore

When the moon hits your eye 

Like a big-a pizza pie
That's amore,
When the world seems to shine 
Like you've had too much wine
That's amore.

I love a good full moon. The divine beauty of the moonshine makes me think of fantastic creatures and mysterious places beyond my reach. I have adored the blazing August moon, and gazed longingly at the cool October moon. I have foolishly tried to photograph and paint a full moon, hoping that the beauty I saw through my eyes and the feelings of utter despair that are evoked in my soul could be translated and shared with the world. Needless to say, it was all in vain. I’ve never owned a camera powerful enough to take a perfect picture of a full moon.

Coming from Bangladesh and being a fan of romantic Bengali literature, moonbeams or jhostna has had other effects on me too. I remember myself singing in the veranda on a moonlit night, reading poetry anticipating a full moon. I have gazed onto the blank abyss trying to envision my future. I have hoped for love. I have walked frantic through the streets trying to find the meaning of life. I have had friends take me for drives because I could not stay still. I have had severe mood swings from extremely happy and hyper to hitting all time emotional lows. I have whirled around trying to chase my own tail. The moon has filled me with joy and made me love everything bathed in its glory. So I can assure you, the moon has hit my eye, like a big-a pizza pie.

The wine has shined and the mirth has flowed like a twinkling river. However, what I am confused about is that amore part. Love. That clandestine feeling that is supposed to heal you from within and save your soul. Despite all the beautiful moons I have witnessed and the jugs of wine I have consumed, love has managed to slip through the cracks. I have been starry eyed looking at the beautiful moonlight, amazed at God’s glory, entranced by the magic. But having shared this beauty with many different people, I can assure you that not once have I looked at the person seated next to me and felt love. I have been so in love with every ripple in the moon lit night that the chalice in my heart has always been too full to let mortal love in. So here I am; a freak of nature; a logical, listmaking, deathly honest hopeless romantic. With the ability to love unconditionally and unendingly and the inability to feel or share that love with a human being.

(photo credits: my dearest talented brother, ahmed orko nur)